Thoughts on Becoming a Parent: The Next Big Chapter

Becoming a Parent: Honest Thoughts on Our Next Chapter

Posted on: Monday, March 5, 2018

Welp, 2018 has thrown us into a tailspin, Clint and I are becoming parents!  We found out in December that we have a little girl due in July.  Readers beware, this is a true and honest attempt to unveil all the feels and thoughts on becoming a parent.  My hope is to have you catch a glimpse into what I can only describe as the ride of our lives.  No amount of advice (unwarranted or wished upon) can prepare us for what is about to be the beginning of the next big chapter in our lives.  We have no idea what we’re in for.

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Thoughts on Becoming a Parent

I am (and have been told) pretty comfortable around children.  I started babysitting at the age of 9, started my own neighborhood Babysitter’s Club (having read all the books, I was a self-proclaimed babysitting expert), and was both an elementary and middle school teacher for eight years.  Despite being surrounded by children, something in me never fully committed to the idea of bringing a child into the world.

I met my husband twelve years ago.  In that time we’ve dated, married, traveled, moved internationally, and have both been on the same page about having kids.  We didn’t prescribe to a certain relationship time/family script.  Kids weren’t the thing we needed after we got married, we decided we’d be fine with our without them.  For us, we’ve been happy, fulfilled, traveling, and I’ve been building up my business.  Over the years we received lots of questions about our fertility; was I thinking of freezing my eggs considering my age (37), etc.  Which in turn left me thinking,  Clint and I are quite happy. A child isn’t the missing piece, we aren’t missing any pieces, really.  I wonder how many people without kids deal with this?

Maintaining My Identity

For me, being a woman means a lot of things.  But my identity has never been defined by whether or not I would have kids.  Not that I didn’t want to be a mother, I just didn’t need motherhood to make me a happier person.  If I were to spout off a list of ‘who I ams’, becoming a parent as an identifier wasn’t ranking high up on my list.  I identify strongly with being a women, an entrepreneur, a traveller, a friend, a coffee lover, who just happens to be adding this little to our family.  Blessed we are, welcoming this amazing little being into our world.  But I want to add becoming a parent to the list, without losing my other identities.

Crazy questions constantly pop into my head, ‘will I go through postpartum depression?’, ‘will I lose identity as a traveler, woman, entrepreneur, having to spend so much time and attention on this small little girl?’, ‘how much screen time will we allow?’, ‘will we show her face on social media?’, ‘will she tell me she hates me when she’s a teenager?’ Oh God.  Really, it’s these future realities that keep me up at night.

Pregnancy Through the First Trimester

I liken pregnancy and becoming a parent to prepping for a trip to the moon.  My body, in all its crazy amazement, feels like it’s wearing a spacesuit of sorts.  It’s growing and changing in the strangest of ways, building up for the flight of my life.  Then there’s the actual celestial trip that you’ve been told so much about.  The majority of our friends have already gone to the moon, so they’re telling us in one way or the other, what space snacks to take, what meals on the moon are like, and how being weightless feels.  And even though we’re trying to picture this feeling of floating in the lack of atmosphere, until we’ve actually placed our own feet on the moon dust, and taken a picture of earth from the moon, we have no idea what we’re in for.  

I don’t know how lots of soon-to-be moms get through their nine (I’ve heard really, it’s almost 10!) months of pregnancy but I have been learning to take this one day at a time.  Accepting the fact that life will never be as it was, in both fantastic and crazy ways.  I’m humoring myself with satiric online articles from women who have a pragmatic view (and have a sense of humor) of what this journey is like.  I have one book that I’ve gotten a hold of, thanks to a friend’s recommendation, that’s a rare pregnancy read.  I figure the more I try to ‘plan’ becoming a parent, the farther away from the target I’ll be.  So I’m letting this roll out how it may, embracing this newfound little being inside with simple blithe curiosities.

The Future of My Business & Blog

What will change in my life and business? Everything and nothing.  Do I plan to work up until I’m due? Absolutely.  I love what I do!  Will I still blog about style?  1000%.  Will it involve all baby and maternity style?  Nope.  Will I try to integrate my current style into my ever changing body?  Yes.  I don’t want to spend copious amounts of money on pieces of clothing that I will only wear for half of the pregnancy. (HoweverI have already purchased a handful of new supportive bras…that’s a new experience…) I will blog about being smart and foolish in my buying practices so that I can help women also navigate the crazy world of maternity style.  But I’m not going to pile it on.  I’m still going to go about my daily practices of what I love to do.  Help other women with their style woes, all the while, learning through mine.

Thank you for following along with this blind journey of mine!  I welcome any and all thoughts on womanhood, motherhood, and just life with or without kids in general.  We’re all in this together, one way or another…


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  • Avatar Cortney

    Conni – I so enjoyed your perspective on this! Although I’m “young” and only two years into marriage, it is one that I can surely relate to (all the way down to the neighborhood babysitter’s club – ha!). Thank you for opening up your story. Although you won’t be piling on maternity/motherhood/pregnancy posts, I hope to catch a few updates here and there!


  • Avatar Cortney

    Conni – I so enjoyed your perspective on this! Although I’m “young” and only two years into marriage, it is one that I can surely relate to (all the way down to the neighborhood babysitter’s club – ha!). Thank you for opening up your story. Although you won’t be piling on maternity/motherhood/pregnancy posts, I hope to catch a few updates here and there!


    • Avatar Art in the Find

      Thank you so so much Cortney! I really took some time and thought about how I wanted to approach this and hope that it doesn’t throw anyone off. I am so thankful to hear that you can relate and am ever so touched that you took the time to comment. I will definitely be sending out some motherhood posts with practical tips for dressing for this pregnancy! Thank you for following along on my journey. xoxo, Conni

  • Avatar Erin

    You will be YOU. I think that one of the things I’ve loved so much about adding the role of parent, is that I know myself, and I AM myself in a deeper, truer way than ever before. I feel more connected to humanity and women and mortality… Congratulations, Conni ❤️

  • Avatar Jessica

    Can’t tell you how much I appreciate this post. I’m in a similar boat (due in July!) and while I’m thrilled it was never going to define me or something I wished or waited for. It’s so good to hear your emotions reflected back! Looking forward to a parallel journey!

    • Avatar Art in the Find

      Thank you so so much for sharing your thoughts here Jessica! When are you due? It’s so crazy how something so enormous is happening and we have no idea the potential and the craziness that comes with it. I am also looking forward to sharing these moments and journey with you too!

  • Avatar Kali

    I love you so much. Honest and a true individual. You do you, girl. I relate to you 100%. I’m thrilled for you and Clint and can’t wait to have baby besties. 🙂

  • Avatar Meagan

    Conni – I first want to send a big congratulations to you and Clint! This piece definitely hit a few notes with me. As a younger girl, I always pictured myself being a mother by my mid-twenties and was thrilled by the idea. It just seemed right. Now that I have reached my mid-twenties, I might know that I still want to be a mother, but the timing has shifted because I truly value who I am as a new entrepreneur and I truly value this time with just myself and my husband to explore who we are and to really dig deep into our businesses. It is a daunting thought but if there is one thing I have learned, it is that every mother (and family) has their own way of doing things to keep the balance they desire. I know you will find the path that works best for you, your business, and your new little one. Sending love to your family!

    • Avatar Art in the Find


      Thank you so so much for your true and lovely words. I think you are really on to something with everyone finding a path that works for them. I cannot agree enough and truly think that will be the most freeing way to feel at peace and ease with so many crazy changes. Thank you so much!!

      xx, Conni

  • Avatar Chelsea

    Hi Conni — This post hit home for me in a number of respects. I was also ambivalent about having kids, being very happy as a two-some with my husband. We decided to take the plunge, and I was anxious about all the same issues you raised in this post. I’ve always been fiercely independent, have treasured my social life, my alone time, my sleep, and my career. My husband and I love to travel and made a point to vacation in as many different places as we could. I was nervous about how becoming a parent would impact all of that. For me, after I had my first (that’s right, it worked out well enough that we decided to go for a second), while I don’t think I experienced postpartum depression, I definitely did have a bout of the baby blues. I went through a period where I felt like I was in mourning — for the loss of my independence and identity. The truth is that you will be less independent – a little person will need you for their very survival for a long time. And your identity will shift. Your priorities shift, your hobbies get pushed aside, even your friend groups will change — as your time becomes more precious, acquaintances fall away in favor of family, closer friends, and friends who are also parents.

    But over time, particularly after those first few hectic months, I found that things fell into a rhythm, I regained a sense of control over my days and nights, and I grew into the changes and my new self. It’s still a struggle, and I suspect that it always will be. I’ve never been able to find a comfortable “balance” and I’m not sure that such thing actually exists. Some months things work great on the home front and less well on the career front. Other months it’s the reverse. Many of my mom friends find themselves in a similar boat and we’ve talked about how it’s basically about making constant adjustments, trying different things, and learning that you can’t be perfect at all things, at all times, and that’s ok.

    I have friends that say “I can’t even remember a life before my baby.” I can. It was a great life. A wonderful life. I still think of it fondly and miss it. But this life is wonderful too. And I wouldn’t give it up for anything. It helps that my kids are f-ing adorable and I love them more than I could have ever imagined was possible.

    It’s also true that it goes very, very fast. In those first few sleepless months, it may not feel like it, but the months and years will begin to whip by. So my advice to you is to focus on doing what is best and what works for you, for your baby, and your family in that moment. Try to not have too much attachment to your expectations for what that might be, because it will inevitably change.

    Good luck and try to not worry. You’ll be fine. 🙂 Best wishes and lots of love to your family!

    • Avatar Art in the Find


      Thank you for sharing so much, so candidly. This was so lovely to read. I am lucky to have so many friends who already have children (we are one of the last couples without) so I can say that I have a bit support system already. I thank you for your uplifting remarks on what will be very unfamiliar territory. Thank you so so much. You’re comment made my day. xx, Conni

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