A Barometer for Letting Go of My Clothes…how I can tell when it’s time.
Yesterday on Instagram, I posted about how I was letting go of some pieces because they aren’t resonating with me anymore and a follower left a thoughtful comment I thought was worth diving into…
For me, the evolution of my style has to do with a few things:
What’s going on in my life at the moment: This means what I am doing from day to day. Right now, we’re just off of summer break, I’m doing school drop off and/or pick up, traveling once or twice a month to see clients, going to the grocery store once a week, going into my styling studio,….etc. I have to pay attention to how I want to feel for those things in my life.
“Experiences” over the last few months or years: I’ve gone to Kenya, to Paris, to Los Angeles, explored a museum, a new vintage shop, etc… And when I do these things, they add perspective to my life and give me information I didn’t have before. And they also impact how I see clothes, see others experiencing clothes, and cause me to reflect on my relationship with clothes.
My feelings (which is my internal compass): Every time I wear something, I navigate how it makes me feel, how it fits, do I fiddle with it, feel uncomfortable in it, or is it like just part of my day and it goes unnoticed (the latter is preferable). This is HUGE. And I don’t think enough women give this part its due. If there is ever an internal conflict when I’m wearing something, it doesn’t stay much longer in my closet. It has to earn it’s place, and my feelings help me navigate this. More on how below…
To confirm those feelings, I like to go back and analyze what I’m wearing a lot of currently. I do that by taking “selfies” when I have an outfit on that I want to remember and then kind of review them. All of these feel like “me” right now, during this current season of my life.
And then, this is the biggest one of all… I ask myself if those outfits match how I want to feel. What I mean by this is that the biggest part of getting dressed is that I have pieces in my closet that make me look forward to putting them on because they match how I want to feel. But you have to be able to identify those words for yourself. Think about this for a moment and ask yourself (I’m serious. Stop and say this out loud…)
“How do I want to feel in my clothes?”
Okay, if the first thing you said was, “comfortable, Conni!” Well of course, we all want to feel comfortable in our clothes!! I don’t think I’ve ever heard a client say, “I can’t wait to be uncomfortable in that…!” So, comfortable is a given. Now…other than comfortable, how do you want to feel?
Currently, I want to feel:
cool and chic
layered and elevated
fun and interesting
So when I get ready in the morning, I run through these feelings. Am I feeling fun, interesting, layered, cool, chic….etc. And when the pieces (jeans, shoes, bags, shirts, dresses) are making me feeeeel those feelings, it’s like pure joy. It’s style confidence.
Now, can those words about how I want to feel change??? Sure as heck they can! And why?? Because of those previously mentioned things above, my experiences and what’s going on in my life at the moment. These add to who I am and how I want to feel. A few months or years or however long ago, these were different because I was different. I wanted to be, to feel, more feminine and girly (as evidence of these photos…)
And now, those pieces aren’t resonating in the same way they were. They served me at that time in my life and now I’m not connecting with them any more. And you know what? That’s okay!! That’s the evolution of style. That’s why, sometimes, holding on to pieces for so long, out of guilt, or shame, or weight gain/loss, or motherhood, or shit, I spent that much on it??…holding on to those pieces, isn’t doing me/you any favors. It’s holding you back really. And it holds me back too, if I hang on to them. So that is why, I let go. To make room for those new feelings, those new words, and those new pieces that will speak to me in words I want to feel.
So, my dear friend, if you’re holding on to what you can’t let go of, or are trying to figure out how you want to feel, do this:
Take pictures of yourself in outfits for the next couple of days or weeks (or look back at some photos of yourself on your phone).
Ask yourself, “how do those pieces, those outfits, make me feel?”
And “how do I want to feel in my clothes right now?”
Do #2 and #3 match up?? If so, great! If not, why are you holding on to those pieces? Be really honest. It’s just you over there. If holding on to them for the unknown, the “what if’s” are your reasons, how are you making yourself feel for today? Because that’s kind of the point. How are you moving forward into the world today, tomorrow? If you can begin to identify how you want to feel and if pieces you wear feel or don’t feel a certain way, then you’re one step closer to building a closet that is a reflection of who you are (and evolves with you when you shift, like I do.).
And if you want to do this, but after reading and trying those steps above, still struggle, then consider taking my style course, Signature Style Method, which is the roadmap to getting you to connect with your closet again. If any of this resonated with you, hit reply, leave me a note, a thought, or share this with someone.
xx, Conni